Thoughtful gifts: gender divide… or gender myth?
It’s an age-old adage: men are impossible to buy for. How many of us have groaned internally when buying a brother-in-law a gift? Or panic bought a generic “men’s” bath and body set for our dads or uncles?
Men don’t like anything but sports, beer, plush leather wallets or mugs that describe how great (or not) they are at DIY. At least, that’s what the gift guides that pop up around Christmas, Father’s Day and the rest of the year tell us.
But, as big fans of caring wildly, we couldn’t help but feel that men were being a little slighted. Does a new pair of cufflinks really make them feel loved and appreciated? Or would they prefer something more personal?
We surveyed 2,000 people across the UK (and the men in the Bloom & Wild office) to find out how men and women feel about buying gifts for each other. Whether men really value practical presents over thoughtful touches. And what you should be adding to basket next time you want to treat your partner.
Women find men difficult to buy for...
Not a huge surprise here. Out of the women we surveyed, 20.16% said they find men very difficult to buy for. Men don’t seem to have the same perception though, with only 7.51% believing they’re very difficult to buy for.
And they find it easy to buy presents for other women
When it comes to choosing something for another woman, 27.08% of female respondents said they find it very easy. In our survey, 23.32% of women also said they thought they were very easy to buy for.
Men don’t just want practical gifts
Women assume men want gifts that are practical (48.02%) or hobby-related (46.05%). Dr. Ronald F. Levant, a psychologist specialising in masculinity and gender roles, puts this assumption down to traditional gender roles:
“Societal stereotypes often dictate that men value practicality above all else, but this overlooks their desire for gifts that reflect emotional thoughtfulness and personal meaning.”
That new toolbox may be well-received but it’s not all men want. When we asked the men in our survey the same question, we found that they do want practical (45.64%) and hobby-related gifts (40.37%). But they highly value thoughtful gifts too (46.45%).
For men, the thought does count
When we asked our respondents how important they found thoughtfulness in gifts, 40.12% of women said “very”. But men find it important too, with 29.21% placing thoughtfulness at the top of their list.
We wanted to dig a little deeper so we asked the men in the Bloom & Wild office what they thought, and they said it’s the unexpected gifts that mean the most (60%). Gifts that are related to them as individuals show the most thoughtfulness (58%), followed by gifts that someone knew they wanted (53%) and something they like or enjoy (47%).
When we asked the men in our survey how they feel about the gifts they tend to receive, 61.46% said they believe their preferences are misunderstood. They also feel that masculine stereotypes influence the kinds of gifts they’re given (35.90%).
So, we asked the men in the Bloom & Wild office what they would like to receive. When it came to marking a celebration, 63% said they’d like a food gift, 53% said alcohol and 36% said tech would be their ultimate present. But pick-me-ups were different. Food gifts still came up on top (68%) while 42% said they’d like a homeware gift, like a candle, and 26% said a book would go down very well.
Dr. Singh said this feeling of being misunderstood can go beyond disappointment in a gift:
“This can emotionally make them feel unconsidered or devalued because the gift does not fall in line with their personal taste or aspiration. This may subsequently be a reason for social pressure to conceal one's disappointment and further the notion that men must not be "fussy" or too emotional about gifts. Over time, this cycle can cause men to become more guarded in expressing what they really want.”
Men struggle to buy their partners gifts
Men said they find their partner the most challenging person to buy for (40.57%) compared to other relationships, such as family (18.05%) or co-workers (10.75%).
Dr. Singh isn’t surprised by this result. He says:
“Gift-giving can be challenging in romantic relationships because of the great emotional weight and expectation attached to it. Men often feel they need to prove their love or understanding of the partner, and thus anxiety about "getting it wrong" is raised.
“Relationships can carry a power dynamic or even unspoken needs, which make it hard to find a gift that represents true care but does not overstep any emotional boundary. This fear of disappointing a partner heightens these pressures as many men overthink or second-guess themselves.”
Our hint for men who are buying for women? Our female respondents said they love thoughtful (63.83%), sentimental (43.08%), and wellness/self-care (42.29%) gifts the most. Hobby-related gifts came in last at 28.46%.
So we say ditch the generic gift guides. Put your gift recipient first. Man or woman, think about what makes them, them. And care wildly.
Women prefer sentimental gifts over men
Men may like thoughtful gifts, but sentimentality isn’t as important (28.60%). On the flip side, 43.08% of women value sentimental gifts.
But what’s the difference between a thoughtful gift and a sentimental gift? We asked Dr. Sham Singh, a psychiatrist with a holistic approach to mental health at WINIT Clinic.
“Thoughtfulness caters to men's needs of being seen and recognised for who they are in the present moment, whereas sentimentality does draw on memories deeply personal or vulnerable,” says Dr. Singh.
“Of course, some men may not be as comfortable delving into overt nostalgia, but they definitely appreciate knowing someone has paid attention to what they are into these days. It's a subtle but important distinction: men want to feel understood, even if they aren't always looking for a walk down memory lane.”
Top 10 tips for gifting for men
Think beyond practicality: Men appreciate thoughtful gifts as much as practical ones. Look for something that resonates with their individuality, not just their toolbox.
Celebrate their interests: Dive into their hobbies or favourite activities. A gift that aligns with their passion shows you’ve paid attention to what makes them tick.
Remember, it’s the thought that counts: Research suggests men value gifts that show you’ve considered their preferences and interests over how expensive or flashy the item is
Add a touch of surprise: Unexpected gifts—something they wouldn’t think to buy for themselves—tend to leave a lasting impression.
Don’t overlook food and drink: Food and alcohol are consistently rated as top gifts for men. A gourmet hamper or a bottle of their favourite drink rarely misses the mark.
Sentimentality isn’t always key: While men value thoughtfulness, overtly sentimental gifts might not resonate as strongly. Focus on the here and now rather than nostalgia.
Steer clear of stereotypes: Avoid falling into clichés like “sports or beer.” Many men feel misunderstood when their gifts are dictated by stereotypes.
Time for self-care: Consider wellness gifts like candles, books, or even a spa experience. These can be a refreshing change from the usual.
Ease the anxiety of gifting for partners: Men often struggle with buying gifts for their partners. Subtle hints or wish lists can help them feel more confident and less stressed.
Ask, but pay attention: If in doubt, don’t hesitate to ask what they’d like. But also keep an eye on their interests and preferences throughout the year to make future gifting easier